A Nightmare to Remember
by TheSecretBar
Summary: One-shot. An alternative to the events that happened in 6.22 "Partings". Luke realizes that Lorelai has been avoiding him. He falls asleep waiting on her to come home and dreams the ultimatum/affair took place. Is it too late for them to finally open up to one another and prevent the tragedies of season 7 from happening?


_It's been two days. What the hell is going on?_ thought Luke as he leaned on the counter in the diner, rubbing his forehead with the tips of his fingers. He stood up straight and checked the time on his watch. It was almost 9:30 p.m. The last customer had left almost a half hour ago, but Luke stayed rooted in the same spot hoping the bell above the door would chime, signaling her entrance. He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He rounded the counter and walked up to the front door giving the town square one last glance before flipping the sign around to show CLOSED. He walked over to the staircase and pulled out his cellphone, holding down the number one to speed dial Lorelai…again. And again, there was no answer.

 _If she's at Friday night dinner, that could explain her not answering the phone. But what about earlier today? She talked to everyone else, Patty and Babette, but not me._ Luke opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. He twisted off the top and downed half the bottle in just three, large gulps. He tried to think back to the last time Lorelai had froze him out and came up with nothing. It wasn't like them to stay mad at each other for long. This was something more serious, he could feel it. _But what?_ he thought as he sat down in his recliner. He was exhausted. He spent the day before dealing with Liz and T.J.'s drama and he spent what time he could today running around trying to find Lorelai.

Lorelai had told Luke the day before that there was a staff meeting at the inn, which at the time didn't seem all that strange. But something about the tone of voice she had was starting to nag at him. He thought back to his conversation with T.J. from the previous day. _"That's the trick with relationships, believe me. Look, you have to try to tune in to what your partner means as opposed to what she's actually saying. They sometimes won't tell you how they're feeling, but your job is to try to figure out what she's saying from what she actually says."_

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the recliner. _Come on, Danes. You used to be so in tune with her. You always could tell when she was mad or upset. Her eyes always give her away._ And suddenly his eyes popped open and he leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs while the empty beer bottle swung in between his knees. She was the happiest he had seen her in months after April's party. At least, up until he told her the news about Anna being pissed that Lorelai was even there. He was so annoyed with that entire situation that it didn't dawn on him this could be the reason for the freeze out.

"Shit," he whispered as he stood and walked over to the trash can, tossing the empty bottle inside. He started to pace in front of the kitchen table but stopped to check the time again on his watch. It was after 10:00 p.m. and she still hadn't called. He was really starting to worry. _How could I let things get so bad? And why wouldn't she tell me she was feeling so bad?_ An eerie thought stopped him in his tracks. He remembered years ago when Lorelai broke off her engagement to Max and left town with Rory. Luke shook his head to clear the crazy thoughts that were forming, but it did nothing to ease the knot that formed in the pit of his stomach. _She wouldn't leave. I know she wouldn't leave._

He made a beeline for his front door and jogged down the steps from his apartment while fishing his keys out of his front pocket. After locking the door to the diner, he quickly made his way through the town square. A pang of disappointment hit him when he made his way up her driveway and saw that her Jeep was still not there. He quickly climbed the porch steps in two strides and used his house key to unlock the front door.

"Lorelai," he called out into the quiet house just in case. No response. He noticed the answering machine was flashing indicating a new message and prayed to whoever would listen that it was from her. He pressed play.

BEEP

"Hey, Lor. I just wanted to say thanks for being my wingman tonight. I'm not even sure if that's the right phrase when a person is _avoiding_ a potential hookup. You always have my back and I'll always have yours. Anyway, call me when you get this. I'll be up late."

BEEP

Luke was seething. _How could I be so fucking stupid?_ He took the stairs two at a time and entered their bedroom. He immediately checked the closet for any signs of missing luggage or empty hangers and came up with nothing. The knot in his stomach remained, but he still sighed with relief. He decided there was nothing more he could do until he was able to talk to her.

After unloading the contents of his pockets onto his dresser, Luke toed off his boots and removed his hat. A shower is what he needed, so he made his way into the bathroom. Standing under the sprays of the shower head hoping it would strip the worry and stress of the past few days away, Luke could think about nothing but the fact that Lorelai had ignored _him_ and been spending time with Christopher instead. _It's not the first time, Danes. If you weren't so wrapped up in your own shit, you would have noticed the signs. Him trying to shower the girls with money, paying for Yale, and asking Lorelai to babysit._ He leaned forward letting the hot water rinse the suds, as well as his angry thoughts, away. He turned off the shower and stood there in a daze. In his heart, he trusted Lorelai completely. But a small part of him couldn't shake that jealous feeling that arose whenever Christopher's name was mentioned or when he heard the sound of his voice on her damn answering machine.

He reached for a towel hanging on the hook next to the shower and dried off. After wrapping the towel around his waist, he made his way to his dresser and pulled out a pair of boxer briefs and a t-shirt. He turned out the light in the bathroom and walked over to the lamp next to the bed and switched it on. The clock next to the bed read 10:45 p.m. He walked over to the window and peeked outside, scanning the driveway hoping to see her headlights coming toward the house. But he only saw darkness and the porch light on next door at Babette's. He collapsed onto the chair in front of the window. Despite everything, the hot shower was able to relax him enough to feel the exhaustion that was taking over his body. He wanted to wait up for her but his eyelids grew heavier by the second. Within a minute, he was out to the world. 

* * *

Lorelai was completely distraught and he couldn't make out what she was saying. Something about eloping and putting the plan in motion. He just stood there trying to wrap his mind around the bits of incoherent information she was spouting at him. Did she say Anna? Why is she talking to Anna? Now or never?! He heard that loud and clear, but his response wasn't either of those choices. He wasn't thinking as quickly as she was speaking. The next thing he knew she turned around and walked away. His boots felt like they were filled with wet cement. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He wanted to call after her, but nothing came out. And then it all went dark.

The next thing he knew he was standing in front of an apartment door. His brow furrowed in confusion as he looked around trying to get a feel for his surroundings. He reached for the doorknob and turned it. After carefully pushing open the door, he stepped inside the unfamiliar apartment. There was an empty bottle of tequila and two glasses sitting on the coffee table in the living room. Underneath the table, lay a pair of very familiar heels. A giggle from the back of the apartment caught his attention and he followed the noise down a short hallway. He pressed his ear to the door and listened, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Oh, God," moaned Lorelai loudly. "Ohh, Luke. Luke. Luke?" 

* * *

Luke gasped loudly as he quickly sat up.

"Luke? What are you doing here?" asked Lorelai, kneeling in front of him as he sat on the chair in their bedroom trying to catch his breath.

"Lorelai," he croaked as he reached out to touch her face making sure he wasn't still dreaming. "God, it was awful. You came to me at the diner after I'd been looking for you and you were upset and wanting to elope. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it in time and you walked away. I couldn't move or say anything to stop you. And then all of a sudden I'm standing in front of Christopher's apartment. And I go in and there's empty glasses on the table and then I heard a noise. So I walked down the hall and listened through the door and I-I heard you and him…"

"Shh, it's okay. It was a dream. I'm here," said Lorelai softly, cradling his face in her hands. She had never seen Luke so upset before. Angry and cranky, yes. But never this emotional.

"What happened tonight, Lorelai?" he whispered as his breathing returned to normal.

She averted her eyes and sat back on her haunches. "I needed some space. Some time to think. My mother needed my help yesterday and today I-"

"Spent time with Christopher," said Luke quietly as he stared down at her.

She met his gaze and gave him a look of confusion. "How did you know?"

"He left a message on the machine. When I came here I saw it and I hoped it was you so I played it," said Luke pausing for a moment. "Why, Lorelai?"

"Why what?" she asked taken back by his almost accusatory tone. "It's not what you're thinking, Luke. My parents invited him to dinner tonight hoping to set him up with someone they knew. He wasn't interested and asked me to help divert the conversation and I did. That's it."

Luke stood and started to pace in front of their bed with his arms crossed over his chest. Lorelai took his vacated seat on the chair and watched him for a moment before she spoke.

"I spent over an hour talking to her in her car," she said softly, staring down at the floor.

Luke stopped pacing and turned around to face her. "Why?"

"Turns out she was a psychiatrist. It felt kind of good to talk to someone who didn't know me or you and was an outsider to all of…this." Lorelai looked up to gauge his reaction. He just stared back with his eyes narrowed slightly, trying to absorb the information. She took a deep breath and continued. "She told me that I won't get anything unless I ask for it. And if I ask for it and I don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place."

"Ask for what, Lorelai?" pleaded Luke, trying to understand what had been going on with his fiancée for the past 48 hours.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore, Luke," Lorelai cried into her hands, her whole body wracked by sobs. Luke immediately dropped to his knees in front of the chair and pulled her close to his chest. He rubbed soothing, slow circles on her back.

"You have to talk to me. I'm in the dark here, Lorelai. Was it Anna? Was it what she said?" asked Luke softly.

Lorelai hiccuped and pulled back slowly, looking him in the eyes. "Anna told you I talked to her?"

Luke's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he shook his head slightly.

Lorelai brought her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, hugging them tight. Luke sat down on the floor and scooted back against the side of the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him.

"I went to see her after you told me what she said about the party. I wanted to reassure her that she had nothing to worry about and that I know how she feels being a single mom and how cautious you have to be with who you let in your kids life." She sniffled and paused for a moment before continuing. "She told me that engaged wasn't married and until we were married, things would have to continue like they were."

Luke couldn't believe it. In a matter of a few days, two different people were telling Lorelai how _their_ relationship needed to be.

"Why wouldn't you talk to _me_ , Lorelai? You can't honestly believe that if I had known you were this upset I would have just brushed it off. Look, I know I've been distracted since April came along, but my intention was not to push you away. It was to get to know my daughter."

"I wasn't going to push you, Luke. I've seen firsthand what happens. I couldn't deal with that again."

"So instead of pushing, you just pull away? That's not how this thing works, Lorelai. You can't just bail when things don't go your way. I'm in this too."

Lorelai tucked her legs underneath her and leaned over to lay her head on the armrest of the chair. Part of her knew he was right. They were _both_ in this relationship and it wasn't fair to pull away without even trying to confront him about the way she was feeling. But the other part of her still felt betrayed in a way. She let him into Rory's life long before they were ever anything romantic. Was it so hard for him to do the same? Was she not good enough to be around his kid? The thought made her feel so insecure and that was a feeling she wasn't used to having.

"It doesn't feel like you're in this, Luke. We're engaged, we remodeled the house, and yet, you still haven't moved in. I feel like your life is completely separate from mine. I wanted to help with April and you told me no. It felt like I wasn't good enough to be around her."

"Hey, that's not it at all," said Luke softly. "You know me, Lorelai. I have to figure things out for myself sometimes. It was the same thing with Jess. I know you're filled with knowledge and antidotes when it comes to raising kids, but this is all new to me. And what kind of dad does that make me if I can't learn how to do things on my own?" He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He leaned his head back against the bed and said quietly, " _I_ didn't feel good enough to be around her."

Lorelai's heart squeezed tight. It never occurred to her that Luke would be the insecure one in the equation. From what little interaction she had witnessed, he seemed so content having this child in his life. She knew she had a tendency to insert herself when it came to things she had experience with, mainly kids. But, to her, she was just trying to help. She never thought of it as belittling people but perhaps that's how it came across. She sat up straight and observed him carefully. They both seemed to be in so much turmoil over this whole situation. Were they both so insecure and trying to prove themselves to the other person that they completely missed the signs? Was she so focused on making the wedding happen because she needed the distraction from her not feeling good enough for Luke and his kid? Why couldn't this all have been said before? Why did they let it build and build until things felt so irreparable? She had to admit, it felt good to tell him what she had been feeling lately.

Luke lifted his head and stared into her eyes with a look of complete anguish. His voice cracked as he spoke. "Lorelai, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for not letting you in sooner and I'm sorry things have gotten so bad."

The look on his face shattered her heart into a million pieces. It was easy for her to pull away by avoiding contact. But to stare into his eyes and see how completely broken he was over all of this was something she couldn't ignore. She meant what she said to Carolyn. She never loved anyone until Luke. As bad as things had gotten between the two of them, the fact that they were able to open up tonight proved to her that maybe they still had a chance. Maybe planning the wedding wasn't so important. Maybe the focus would need to be _them_ and rebuilding what they once had.

Lorelai climbed off the chair onto the floor and straddled his thighs. She gently cupped his face with both hands as he rested his hands on her hips. Both of them grateful for the contact.

"I'm sorry, too. If I had known how much better I'd feel by telling you all of this, I would have done it a hell of a lot sooner." She used her thumbs to smooth out the worry lines on his forehead. "We both made a promise that we would tell each other everything and that there would be no more secrets and we _both_ broke that promise, Luke. But I _want_ to make this work. It may not be easy, but I know it'll be worth it."

Luke lifted his hand and placed it behind her neck. He gently pulled her forward until her forehead rested against his.

"I love you so much, Lorelai," he whispered. "We _will_ make this work."

"I love you, too."

She tilted her head slightly and placed a soft, tentative kiss on his lips. She pulled back to gauge his reaction as the corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile. Her entire body seemed to relax for the first time in days. He leaned forward and captured her lips, bringing both his hands up to cradle her head as he deepened the kiss. His body instantly started to react and he tried to think back to the last time they were intimate like this. _It had to have been weeks ago when I came back from that trip to Philadelphia. What the hell is wrong with me?_

Luke grabbed the end of Lorelai's long dress and inched it up over her stomach. They separated from the kiss just long enough for him to pull the dress over her head. He recaptured her lips as his hands worked the front clasp of her bra. After parting the material, Luke cupped each breast and massaged them gently. Lorelai let her head fall back slightly and Luke took that opportunity to trail hot kisses down her neck and to the valley in between her breasts.

"Oh, Luke," Lorelai moaned, grabbing the back of his head to hold him in place as his tongue worked its magic. He gave the other breast the same attention and it wasn't long before they were both panting with need.

Lorelai leaned forward and started to lick and kiss her way down Luke's neck. She gently bit down on his earlobe and whispered, "Make love to me, Luke."

Luke's body flooded with even more arousal as Lorelai stood up and offered him her hands to help pull him up as well. She kept her eyes locked on his as she walked around him and laid back on the bed. Luke whipped off his t-shirt and pulled down his boxers, kicking them to the side. He smoothed his hands down both sides of her ribcage and hooked his fingers into the sides of her panties, peeling them down her long legs and tossing them aside. He crawled over her letting his hardness graze her lightly. With his weight on his forearms, he leaned down and kissed her, putting all his pent up emotion into the kiss. She reached down between them and stroked him a few times before guiding him to her entrance. Her heat enveloped him and he took a moment to enjoy the connection he hadn't realized he missed so much.

"You feel so good," Luke whispered as he started to move inside of her with slow, deep strokes.

"Mmm," Lorelai moaned as she raised her hips to match the slow, torturous rhythm he had set.

"We have to fix this, Lorelai," Luke rasped as his pace began to quicken.

She cupped his face gently. "We already are."

She pulled him down and kissed him hungrily. It wasn't long before she tumbled over the edge and as her walls tightened around him, he found his release shortly after.

They lay, a sated and exhausted pile of limbs. Lorelai was snuggled in the crook of Luke's arm and gently scratching the light smattering of hair on his chest with her fingernails. It was well after midnight and they were both completely spent. She looked up at him as he lay there with his eyes closed.

"Hey," she said softly just in case he had already went to Dreamland.

"Hmm," he groaned sleepily as he turned his head and opened his eyes.

"What made you come here tonight? Why now?"

Luke turned his head to face her as he brushed a strand of hair off her face before placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"I realized I may have lost you. And then when I dozed off and had that dream, or nightmare I guess is more accurate, it felt too real. I don't ever want to feel that way. I don't ever want to be without you, Lorelai. I never have."

Sleep came easily to the both of them that night. It was like they were both carrying around pounds and pounds of stress for months and the weight of it all was finally starting to diminish. It would take some time to get back to how things were before, but things were never going to be exactly the same. And that was okay. They knew how much their relationship meant to each other and it was worth the effort that they needed to put into it. They were just happy to know that a little communication could go a long way in preventing potential screw-ups and heartache.


End file.
